I can't believe how stressful blogging actually is. I don't mean the 'what will I write about today?' stress. Or the 'why has no one read my post?' stress. Or even the 'that's clever, why can't I be that clever?' stress.
I don't even mean the 'I follow 99 blogs and can only actually visit 2 a day' stress.
Nope. The stress I'm talking about is real stress. Real life stuff that matters.
Have you noticed how much you love some of the bloggers you've gotten to know? How much you know about their lives and how much you care about them? Have you thought about how many there are?
What happens when it's suddenly not all papercrafting and organised cupboards? What happens when something goes wrong in their life and they share all of it or parts of it with us? You love them, you want them to be happy and it's so stressful knowing that you are so far away and can actually do not much at all.
And then you multiply that by about 100 and you realise that you are in deep with more people than it's probably healthy to even know. Don't get me wrong, the feeling is probably not reciprocated, if they even know who you are. But the way their story tugs at your heart strings and the way you worry about them absolutely is.
We've all gone from intimately knowing maybe 5-10 people to intimately knowing hundreds. That's a lot of weddings, births, birthdays, parents' deaths, health scares, emotional hiccups, what-to-name-the-baby, he said-she said fights... wow, that's a lot of life to see people through. A whole lot of emotional turmoil right there. I do wonder if it's actually healthy to 'know' this many people. Do you think we're meant to?
How on earth do we keep up? And how do we reduce the stress of it all?
[Image by Sabine Pried Niece]
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25 comments:
I'm only a young chook when it comes to this blogging thing... but the whole "I know too much about crappy little bits of useless information from people who i don't even know personally" was why I gave FB the ol flicko, and turned instead to blogging and instagramming.. I think with everything there is a limit to what we all can handle, and maybe you need to step back and prioritise what things you enjoy - it's those things you should keep! just a bit of advice! You amaze me with your enthusiasm - and sometimes having a break (ie going to Europe) is the impetus we need to make change...xx
I don't know the answer - and I'm certainly not in the super popular blogger crew - but I think it's all quite cool. I love that with the click of a button someone will tell me yay or nay on the outfit, that with a few 'xxx' I can let another blogger know I'm thinking of her and with a retweet I can help one blogger find someone else. I think it's kinda cool - an online village? Maybe it's just me.
I was thinking along the same lines about URL and blogging friends (shh even FB ones)
I don't know the answer either. I worry about the ones that went away suddenly and where are they now too.
It's too overwhelming to help and follow them all now.
I totally get it.
I had a blogging friend who had been telling me of some troubles she had been having. Then she disappeared completely from the net- blog gone, email gone. I had no idea what had happened and felt really worried about her, but had no way to contact her. I've since found out she's ok, but isn't it funny how you get so involved in these people's lives?
I've recently had enormous blogger guilt due to my lack of reading blogs (also writing blogs). I just didn't have time. I had to convince myself that it didn't matter! That people weren't getting annoyed at me for not posting, and not reading and commenting.
So yes, I get this!
Rach x
Yeah. That.
Over the last couple of years, I've seen some bloggers go through dreadful stuff. Deaths and illness and divorce and other things no-one would wish on their worst enemy.
Sometimes, I DO do something to help. Maybe money or a gift or a card. Other times, I feel overwhelmed by what they're going through.
I guess what keeps me connected is seeing them come out the other side.
And so far, thank God, they all have.
As in 'real life' i.e. personal face to face relationships we cannot be all things to all people. We can't fix it all, give it all or be it all...but what we can do is recognise our limits and what we can give, do or be by knowing ourselves and be that person for someone. Sometimes it's only a word of encouragement we can give or even just a prayer we can whisper..but if that is all we can give we have done our part and others will be there to give their parts. We can only hold each other loosely, respectfully and truthfully because we move through each others lives temporarily.
You've put into words something I've felt but never found words for. I find it really hard to keep up with what's happening in so many people's lives, and have had to take some distance on many occasions so that I'm not so emotionally invested that it starts to affect how much I can give to the people around me. You want to help everyone, have the right words, sometimes you even feel strongly enough to want to travel interstate just to cook for someone for an evening... but you really can't be everything to everyone.
It's true, you can't be everything to everyone, and I don't believe they want you to be. Sometimes it's just good to get it out there, the personal stuff, and out of your head. A simple encouraging word can give you all the strength you need to get through difficult moments. I suppose I'm writing this as someone who has shared, sometimes I wonder too much, but reading those simple words from others, strangers who I might hug if I could actually meet them, their words are honest and hopeful. It's an amazing community to be a part of. We all have our own lives to live, troubles to bare and joys to relish, but it can be nice to let others know, just by a simple word that we have heard them and without taking their experiences on personally, we are there.
...well that was a bit more of a ramble than I'd anticipated! x
I don't know. I share so much less of myself now I realize how big this world wide web is, and in doing so i hope others reciprocate and share less of themelves, or share in a detached way. Does that make sense?
Sometimes I worry people will think I' m being a snob by not 'getting involved' but I'm just self-preserving. And exceedingly time poor. X
Reading that comment I think I sounded Ike a meanie. I guess what I mean is that emotions are finite, they only stretch so far. I don't expect every reader to care about my life as much as my mum or my best girlfriends. I think it's called perspective, which is something the Internet and digital devices don't convey well. X
I get that, I find time only allows me to follow about 5 blogs deeply, the heart does ache at times.... I find myself actually more apprehensive to share about myself with more readers following.... You ll all find out how nuts I am!
I know exactly exactly what you mean. I have gone from having a big care factor about my family and immediate circle of friends ... to caring deeply about an absolute boatload of people!!
I'd like to think I have learned the art self-preservation like Karen and figured out how to distance myself from things, but there are still a lot of people on the interwebs who are in my thoughts fairly constantly.
I have felt this too. I must admit that I spend less and less time seeking out new blogs as I feel like I have the energy to invest in new people especially when I don't energetically invest in myself. I think what Karen is saying about sharing less is a bit of an upcoming "trend" too. As usual you've managed to tap in to something here lovely! X ps. Thank you!
I agree. There are many bloggers out there going through some truly fraught times. It can be hard going reading knowing that there is precious little you can do to help them. That's why I tend to gravitate towards humorous blogs.
I was only thinking about this topic the other day. Blogs are so personal these days that is hard not to feel invested, it's human nature.
I don't have the answer, but I know I will always feel a connection through the sharing of thoughts and beautiful writing.
Oh yes, I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes if feel all too much and you need to step away for a while doesn't mean you care any less.
Hi Maxabella, been a while since I left a comment but have been dropping by from time to time! Felt compelled to reply to this one though. No, I don't think it's healthy to 'know' and try to actively care about hundreds of people, most of whom are far away. The blogging world offers much but I still can't help but feel we weren't designed to be stretched this way, so much, virtually. Past community networks were just that - the physical communities - and yes there are benefits to blogging, I think it's good to have some self-imposed boundaries! x
I completely understand what you're saying... says she, slouched over her laptop at 1am as she tries desperately to catch up on all of those lives she's grown to know and love. Yep, it's an interesting emotional battle we put ourselves through these days.
Or ...
On the flipside,
Imagine one of your readers hates her job so much her stomach is in knots before every shift, & she often cries throughout or after said shift is finished, for no other reason other than the fact that she just hates her job so much.
Imagine she gets an e-mail one day that says, I (think) there might be something better for you,
Imagine that this e-mail DOES in fact lead to something better, AND so much more suited to her personality.
Thanks for taking the stress OUT of my life,
I actually can't thank you enough,
x
I love knowing and genuinely caring about the bloggers I read. And over half of them don't know me... but that said I don't know half my readers and it's nice to think that they care about me. It is interesting though... I think that when BIG things happen in peoples lives whether we know them a little or a lot we like to care and be involved. Thinking back on school days when if something happened to someone who wasnt in your social group or your friend - you still care and want to be in on the know about that... or maybe Im just nosey... xsx
What an insightful post! Being someone who use to blo every day, and now hardly does, quite possibly sums it all up. While the blogging community is awesome and so lively, it's a balance to find. Everyone has to work that out. That being said, I do feel badly when I don't check my favourite bloggers, especially when they are so faithful at reading and commenting when I actually do post. Yes, definitely stressful, but all the while worth it. X
It's tough to get a balance. Sounds like you are like me where empathy goes a long way in making you feel heartfelt things for complete strangers. Watching the news can just bring me undone! So if its someone I feel i "kind of " know through the blogging world, its even more intense. Just embrace the knowledge you have a big heart and know your thoughts are sometimes even enough to help someone in need x
Ah Bron. A ripper. So on the money. You must have felt a big disconnect when on holiday! J x
yeah, this is sooo bang on how I feel Bron! I'm kinda an "all in" person. Your friend in good and bad, ugly and fun, so if i find a friend in the blogging world and their world is going a little haywire, i tend to stress that it;s my duty as a good friend to do more...but what? I think for me I know I'll never be able to "know" so many bloggers, just a few... but it doesn't stop my heart breaking when sad stuff happens. Are we as humans meant to socialise in this way...who knows. balance i assume is the key xx
I think about this often Bron. Because I have gotten to know a group of bloggers that I cry with and cry for sometimes or laugh with and even sometimes laugh at (with non-malicousness) sometimes. Some of them I suspect do the same for me and I know that during times when I feel incredibly low, the kind comments I get from those bloggers helps. It helps me to know that as I am feeling hurt that someone out there is feeling hurt for me as well. And so maybe we were not meant to feel all of this but I think the capacity of the human heart can exceed more than we think it can.
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