I put the porridge on the stove, I stir it, I pop the lid on to bring it to the boil, I walk away, I get distracted, the porridge boils all over the stove top and forms a strong and lasting bond with the hot plate which then makes a sort of squealing noise that very clearly screams, "for the love of god you moronic woman, you've wrecked breakfast again, who the hell does that, only a crazy person, that's who", I rush madly to the stove, I hurl the burning porridge into the sink, I start cleaning the stove.
I actually have porridge for breakfast one or none times a week.
It got me thinking about the fact that I am not a natural winner. In fact, I may well be the person that Einstein had in mind when he formulated his definition of insanity. I fail, I change nothing, I fail, I change nothing, I fail.
Some of us just seem to have ridiculous thought patterns wired into our brain in such a way that all of life needs to pass through them in order to continue. This makes achieving anything noteworthy very difficult.
Eat the chocolate, get fat, wish I was thinner, eat the chocolate.
Groan that my kids won't sleep, let the child into the bed at night, groan that my kids don't sleep.
Wish the house was painted, don't paint the house, wish the house was painted.
Drink wine and say too much, drink wine, say too much.
It's very, very tough being this way. Either nothing gets done or it gets burnt. There is no middle ground with me.
I suppose if I had my Pollyanna hat on, I could find many positive thought patterns in my head that end in a good way for everyone concerned. I could do that. But for the third morning in a row I am not having any breakfast, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm feeling too cranky with myself to let Pollyanna out to play.
What thought patterns are wrecking your good life?
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31 comments:
Can totally relate to the chocolate one haha!
I do the same with milk for coffee every day!
Also, when carrying things precariously do you do the whole "This is an accident waiting to happen - accident happens" thing?
Can I suggest cooking it in the microwave. We do ours and the kids all at once in a massive mixing bowl that hubby then eats out of to keep the washing up down. In that six minutes I can walk off and start and not complete 17 other jobs without ever once burning any pan. melx
You're a hilarious woman. I'm snorting and I've got tears running down my cheeks as I type. No thought patterns now other than I love it when someone makes me laugh this much. (And we all know why I'm laughing so hard... because I do it all. Burn the porridge. Let them into bed. Eat chocolate. Put on weight. Then eat just as much.) xxxx
You crack me up! I'm the same with kids in the bed.
My other issue is over-analyzing. Particularly in regards to friendships. Thinking there is hidden meaning in things. I drive myself nuts yet I don't change my thought process. Ah well....
Hope you enjoy a burn free bowl of porridge sooner rather than later! x
Oh God, yes! ALL THE TIME! I don't write things down...I forget them. I don't write thing down, I forget them. I say I will organise our households filing system....I lose important documents.....I still don't fix that damn filing system!
And Bron....please go and buy those quick oats you put in the microwave!!! No more burnt porridge xx
Haha! Love this! That's me but with lunch - I make my daughters' toasted wrap for lunch, put mine on, get her sorted, forget about mine, smell burning, and end up eating mine over-toasted and partly burnt. Twice a week, every week. But I do honestly believe one day I will get it right! One day... x
The chocolate thing..that's me to a 'C'! I can't cook meat..everytime I cook it, it is overcooked or undercooked and you'd think after over thirty years I'd get it. I study how to cook it, watch lots of Masterchef etc. Then when it's in the pan, I think, just a little longer..and all of a sudden it's overcooked and tough. I just can't help myself..anything less and it looks raw to me.
Uh huh.
And I do it with relationships/friendships/family too -
get burnt, swear I'm not putting myself in that position again, put myself in that position, get burnt... repeat over and over.
I take the worst route to a particular friend's place EVERY time and sit in traffic/roadworks swearing I won't take this route again...until next time.
You make me laugh - in the best way.
:-) x
Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa
I love you so much Bron. Nobody is youer than you :)
My healthy lifestyle brain works really well for 23 hours and 55 minutes of the day. But man, those other five minutes totally kill me!! Oh, and I tell myself I won't stay up late reading blogs. And yet, here I am! x
Wanna know a funny story?
When we met in Sydney, I had no idea it was you & had to do the most awkward glance at your name badge.
Reason why? I'd not yet seen a photo on your blog, but ALSO, because you always eluded to being an overweight person on your blog. I'm a literal person. When someone tells me something, I take it as gospel :)
So I saw this beautiful woman in a navy wrap dress, & I couldn't believe this was that 'fat' person.
You're not. At all :) so enjoy the choccies!
& who drinks wine & keeps their lips sealed anyway ;)
yep, mine is the eat chocolate thing. never ever do I learn.
xx j
Ahhh this resontaes with me bigtime!!
Made me laugh, but in a VERY sympathetic (EMpathetic) way.
PS Microwaved porridge is AWESOME... ever tried it?
xxx
Duh. Resontaes!! RESONATES is what it was meant to say.
I share the thought patterns BUT I have finally triumphed on the porridge front! This is a) not the point and b) terribly exciting nonetheless.
Use a microwave! Use a big bowl, otherwise it all boils over and you lose the 'I'm a competant human being' glow. Shove it all in the bowl, tap in the time, wander off searching for odd socks and PE kit, come back and- ta da- breakfast is ready!
Rachel
Haha!! All of the above for me too! When will we ever learn??/ LOL You're lovely just the way you are though xxx
Love that every time I pop by to your lovely blog I find myself nodding in agreement. I cook my porridge in the microwave now, it doesn't end up so creamy but beats the mess.
But rice, every single time I cook rice, it boils over and makes a giant mess. On the upside at least it isn't burnt and I only have a little cleaning up to do.
x
So true Bron, all of us have these tendencies it seems. Very good at the chocolate one too.
oh gods, all those and more. Especially the wine thing.
I'm just delighted that you're still cooking porridge on the stove, as indeed it should be.
Microwaves are for sitting the fruit bowl on and should be used for nothing else!
Ah yes the story of my life! Love it!
Love this. You're a bloody crack up!
I'm with you on the chocolate. But my worst one is the house looks like a bomb went off, I should clean x, y and z. Sometimes start but mostly just get distracted wander off and then wonder why I can't find things and the house lots like a bomb site. Rinse and repeat several times a week.
I'm the girl who puts things in a safe place, then forgets where that is. When I am old and feeble, my grandchildren will be groaning about all the weird stashes of papers (and jewelry) Granny has stashed all over her house!
You know you can cook porridge in the microwave?
I screw up in the same ways over and over too... it is one of my greatest charms ;)
Classic! my sister and I were laughing about this the other day as we both Do it. She's bought microwave porridge now.
so relieved I'm not the only ding bat. The worst thing I live my mother law who had hawk eyes and always rescues it with that gleam in her eye of satisfaction of knowing how incompetent I am.
Yes, yes the wine one is a bit of an issue here, and I am writing this with a glass of wine to hand.
Very concerned about this porridge issue. Could you teach a lassie or laddie to stand and stir? Or cheat like me and whack it in the micro. Or, dare I say it, the Thermomix is an excellent wee device for the porridge-challenged!
I too burn the porridge a lot, but I have discovered a method that could perhaps be applied to other things.
The no-burn porridge method is to put the heat on as low as possible, then go about your morning business (getting dressed, negotiating with child, looking for phone etc) while it quietly, quietly does its thing. Really, really hard to burn it this way, I promise.
Now, does anyone think they could master eating chocolate/carrying stuff/drinking too much slowly as well? Over a very gentle heat?
I stay up too late nearly every single night and then complain that I am tired when I have to be up early. Simple solution? Yes. Will I do it? Probably not.
we do it & never learn from it, that's life, funny like that.
go the microwave, go on, your tummy will be happier for it & you less cranky.
♥
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