I served up some of my Pea and Ham soup with crusty bread rolls for lunch on the weekend. All lovingly handmade by me, much to my deep dissatisfaction.
10 minutes flat and it was all gone. Did we enjoy it any more than a tin of Cream of Chicken and a loaf of sliced wholemeal? Maybe. But that's still only 10 minutes of enjoyment for about an hour and 10's worth of work.
I know other people find cooking for their family infinitely more fulfilling than I do, but it occurred to me today that the rituals of life have changed such that what was once a satisfying thing to do now seems so utterly pointless. It's not just that we can buy an inferior version at the shops and save ourselves the time. It's more than that.
When we were younger, LOML and I had the good fortune of spending a month at his Zio and Zia's olive grove in Benevento, just outside Naples in Italy. The family produced the raw olives that went to a local manufacturer to be turned into olive oil. All day they worked in the grove, picking the olives, sorting the olives and packing the olives. They worked just as hard preparing a hearty lunch - insalata, pasta, meats and cheeses. The pasta sauce would be bubbling away on the stove all morning and eaten with relish by hungry workers come lunch time.
But this wasn't a meal shoved hastily down before the business of the day resumed. This was a meal that was looked forward to; beckoning and lingered over. Everyone stopped work, sat back and enjoyed each other's company. What was still left to do that day was not talked about (at least, I don't think it was, rudimentary as my Italian is!), but rather life was the subject of discussion and there was no rush to the meal whatsoever.
All meals were eaten in this same lingering fashion. Meals were not something to hurry through on your way to something else. Regardless of how busy the day was, the meal and conversation took absolute priority. Indeed, it was the very reason for working so hard in the first place. Life in this fashion is humble, noticed and ultimately satisfying.
I compare that to the way my family eats today and I am not surprised that cooking gives me so little satisfaction. My children eat by themselves throughout the week and weekends are generally rushed enough that a meal is a mere fueling stop in the day or tacked onto the end as an after-thought. There are no loving rituals and, while the food in enjoyed and appreciated, there is no lingering or true 'breaking of bread'.
The Tsunamis are young yet. There is time to train ourselves to slow down and linger a little over lunch and dinner. Maybe even breakfast if I can totally get my act together. I think it's important. I think it's as important as... life.
How do you eat your meals?
[Image by Kelly Hornberger]
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24 comments:
I think you've hit the nail on the head with your final comments. If the adults in the family don't linger over meals, enjoying the food and the process of getting it there, how will the children learn. The art of conversation is just as important as eating the meal itself...learning how to be interested in what others are doing and what they are thinking, bringing opinions and discussion to the table and ritual and manners...these make for rich and satisfying meal times.
I have to comment on this one. Food and family.... I get what you're saying. It's about slowing the troops down when everything outside is telling us to go faster. I'm mindful of it. I'm already aware of a very bad habit I have of eating breakfast and lunch while standing up (so much easier when you'd be getting up every 5mins anyway to get more milk, more fruit, mop something up, fetch clean cutlery...). But we have family meals around the table at the weekend with conversation etc. And lately, I've been thinking about doing some sort of grace with the boys around food. Gratitude is a good way to bring focus to the food and the here and now. And as I type gratitude, it comes back full circle to you!
what a fantastically poignant post!
meals are so very much becoming fuel stops, rather than the celebration of time together, time resting and delicious food.
we as adults need to learn ourselves, as much as we teach the littlies :D
I actually find breakfast is the easiest meal to enjoy as a family. The food is nothing fancy - but we eat it together at the table. Its a nice way to start the day.
Were trying to start a lingering routine after dinner where we bring out a board game or draw or talk.
I've been noticing friends meal routines lately. One family takes turns sharing their 'rose and thorn' from their day during the meal. the rose being their fav part of the day and the thorn being the worst. It was a great way to facilitate connection and discussion. I keep on meaning to steal that idea but manage to always forget. x t.
At the table. With a conversation. Even if the food is shit. It can take an hour and my patience is tested every night. But at the table, a set table. With a conversation. Until I crack it xx
I love lingering meals, and I hate that our everyday dinners are over so quickly. But I can barely get the Munchkin TO the table, let alone stay at it for more than about 10 minutes. Still I persist in the vain hope that one day, it will all sink in! I think lingering meals really are a grown-up thing, and although it's important to teach kids how to eat properly, at a table, and enjoy some conversation, they'd rather be elsewhere... the real joy comes when you can sit down to a nice meal (with friends or just your partner) and know they're in bed and you don't have to go anywhere.
food is very important in this family! hey we are italian remember! But having said that, our most important meal is dinner together. I've tweaked a few things about dinner to make it more enjoyable...I'm planning a post about it soon but the I understand the essence of what you are saying. A meal should be savoured, enjoyed, slowly and with delight..Not wolfed down and the kids are still chewing whilst leaving the table! Are we really that busy! Love this post!
Totally get it ! Sometimes I say we must and shall have a long Italian feast, usually when with another family. So different. Breakfasts can be better. Hubby and I do try to linger longer... Can be tricky.
We're eating more and more together as the children get older and are eating more diverse foods. We make a point of having family dinners at least three times a week. This is wear we all sit at the table together and eat slowly and try to enjoy each others company. We make it special - candles or place mats, or play music.
I've gotta say that finding just three nights a week where we can all sit together at the same time is actually much harder to do than it sounds.
I love that about the Italians. They are so into food and family. I wish our culture could have that back a bit more. I think we used to be way more like that - even when i was growing up. I try to encourage that in my own family and I do enjoy cooking, mostly, and sitting down at the table and sharing a meal together. It does seem to be scoffed down mighty quickly though. Lingering - that's what we can aim for. I like that. Hoping you find some lingering table time too, Bronny xx
We eat our meals during the week just the same. The boys eat early & we eat later. I keep saying its time we all ate together and enjoyed that time, time to share our days and catch up. The thing us our little guys stil go to bed early so it's tricky, maybe next year...
Great post! My husband is French and they also love their meal time. We spent a summer there with his family at their house in the mountains with no tv, no internet, no shops. Each day was spent preparing a meal, eating it and then sitting around digesting until it was time to start preparing the next! It was wonderful a d we ate now trying to 'linger' over meals with our one yr old ( just for not quite as long!!)
I'm n a real cooking rut at the moment and your post just summed up why!
And tbh Im sick of the cleaning.
I had a delish dinner out 2 nights ago and it was a long lingering dinner with no kids! But it was also at a restaurant... Does that count?
As a rule we always eat dinner as a family. As soon as the kids could they fed themselves and we all ate together. A bit messy but it was what was important to us. Some meals are rushed still, but there is enough that are good family time to make it worthwhile.
We always try and eat together at night as a family. Some nights easier than others. But you are dead right, our way of life is different and we don't take or have the time to savour and enjoy this ritual. It is sad really.
Always dinner together, at the table, with lots of conversation. That's our real catch-up time of the day.
My MIL cooks all day every day. Each meal, breakfast lunch and dinner is a proper meal. I think that is a typically Chinese thing, and have to say I'm happy it's rubbed off on my hubby.....I'm just not a natural cook.
A homemade pot of soup is heaps better for you than the tin variety - at least you know whats in it when you make it from scratch and it is appreciated Im sure. I like to make fairly quick easy meals during the week, but if my boyfriend cooks his tend to take a lot longer but the presentation and taste is a lot better than mine! A balance is good, a few quick and easys and a couple of fancies. Dinner is eaten in front of the tv on the coffee table. If I had a family however, I would buy a dining table and sit at it - Im pretty sure I would anyways!
We also eat as a family at the dinner table, each night, and the 6 and 9 year old take turns to set the table. We do eat quite early and it means that Dad is not always home, but, you know what, more often than not he is as it has become something that is really important - and something we all really enjoy.
We also do a variation on the 'rose and thorn' moment of the day. We do three things that made us happy/were positive, one in the classroom or at work, one outside in the playground and one at home or out at activities. I tried to add the challenging moments part but I found that became the focus and sort of defeated the purpose - we don't do this every day, but a few times a week.
Now my children are older, meal times are less rushed. There is no rush for baths and bed and that makes a huge difference for us.
I love cooking all day long, not that I can do that every day. Hubby is the same. We plan meals as a family sometimes too.
Most meals are eaten at the table, we light candles, sit, eat, talk. Many weekend lunches are the same. But it took a while. And some days are a rush of shovelled food with barely a glance at candles and the table as we race from one place to another.
With two babies 16 months apart there were several months there where I was forcing myself to eat for sustenance, regarding it as another task that needed to be completed. But now that my youngest is 9 months, I'm starting to have time to again appreciate food and enjoy it, because I think good food is one of life's greatest pleasures.
I have been trying to linger and I find that lunches or dinners with friends are lingering affairs. My husband eats too quickly and I rarely feel that he enjoyed the meal I slaved over any more than a meal from a drive thru.
Hi there, long time no write! I found five minutes and this post resonated with me as last night I was reading the winning entries of the 2011 Tim Winton Writing comp and the Upper Secondary school winner wrote a beautiful piece on food. Thougt you might be interested. http://www.subiaco.wa.gov.au/fileuploads/2011.pdf You have to scroll down to last entry to find it
I love the idea of the lunch won with hard yakka and enjoyed with colleagues. Yes, after cooking for smalls and then not so smalls and then teens and then dependant adults who can take it or leave it and never say whether they'll be around to take or leave the meal you've slaved over, I can say I am over it. I cooked for four tonight and we're still waiting to hear, more than an hour after having washed up and put away, whether one of the dependants will even grace us with their presence tonight. It makes me so bloody annoyed.
wow.
That is absolutely beautiful!
I want to live as the Italians do :)
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