We've done one on one lessons, we've done lessons in the pool at home, we've done lessons in other people's pools at their home, we've done indoor heated pools and outdoor freezing pools.
The 'swim school' we are currently taking lessons with is a nightmare. Held in a noisy, crowded, noisy, hot, noisy city 'leisure centre', the kids are totally lost in an Olympic-sized indoor pool. I have to stay glued to the Badoo's side while the bigger kids have their lessons. I fear I will lose her and... she can't swim. None of them can swim.
Oh, they can paddle around confidently enough. Jump in and surface fast enough that I don't bust a hernia every time. Make their way around the pool faster than the speed of light - there, there, no over there. Dive down after a penny and rise triumphant.
But none of them can do that bloody over-arm stroke that seems to be the pass out of the weekly torture that is swimming lessons.
So there we are, week after blessed week. I'm either worrying far too much about being mistaken for Moby and getting harpooned on sight, or worrying about the Badoo dying from chlorine-induced asphyxiation in the heavy pool air, or worrying about the fact that it's been years and years and years and still they can't swim.
A cry goes up: a poo has been found in the deep end.
Then there's the whole wet thing. Wet kids, wet towel, wet shoes, wet dive rings, wet floors. You bundle them all out of the wet pool into the shower to make them wetter, slosh some soap here and there in an effort to drown out the chlorine smell that clings all week, dry them with their wet towel and struggle them into their wet clothes. One kid always gets a foot caught in their damp pant leg and goes down, sloshing all over the tinea-ridden mouldy cement bathroom floor. Oh the joy.
It ain't over. You then need to make your way out the front door past the canteen without having to buy anything. NO, not ice cream, it's 10 degrees outside! God, even the money you are handed back in change at the canteen is wet.
The door whizzes open and you fall out into the freezing cold night, gulping in the fresh air. Your clothes immediately turn to ice, merging with the ice cream dripping down the front of the kids' clothes.
The swimming lessons. The bloody swimming lessons.
How do you go with the swimming lessons at your place?
[Image (ironic image!) via weheartit]
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35 comments:
haha this post reminded me of so many things - I used to swim competitively when I was younger, and played water sports all through high school. I have to say the worst thing about the pool for me was the chlorine - I don't miss it!
Oh the horror. The humanity.
You capture it SO perfectly.
I haven't done swimming lessons with my own kids but I have done swimming lessons with 25 pre primary kids and let me tell you, I understand your changing room trauma!! Argh! Trying to get 25 kids, separated into two different change rooms into their clothes, 'I can't find my undies!' cries ringing the rooms in rapidly succession. Boys comparing private parts. Shoes going missing. Nightmare material!
hahaha, we haven't ventured into the local pool for exactly these reasons. i'm sure he'll learn at school...or somewhere. or maybe i'll just make the husb take the kids. isn't that what the smart mums do? call it father-child bonding...there's enough rubbish about mother-child bonding, surely the dads need a look-in too?!
I did lessons with now eight year old from 3 months. Every term. For 6 years. Every single term. Small groups, with parents, without parents, one on one. She never passed stage one. The kicker was the blowing bubbles and water on your head trick. She just refused to do it no matter what we did.
So for my own sanity, I left it all. It was at the point where she hated it. At school I had to warn the teachers and write letters to the swim school.
Then one day when she turned seven, it just clicked and she did it. I think it was because it was through school, so she noticed she was the only 7 year old in the beginners class. She now swims fabulously, dives and BLOWS BUBBLES!
I hear ya.
Chelsea
Well, firstly I only do summer lessons. And straight after school, once a week. Icecream is the treat if they don't whinge about swimming. Mr10 jumped 2 grades this year, and learned freestyle; my Princess learned to swim underwater (can't freestyle yet).
And me? I take the Kindle and a coffee, and enjoy the 'peace'.
Ok so my eldest kid is 19 and my youngest is 3, so I've been doing the parenting thing for EVER. I personally thing swimming lessons are a con. A couple of lessons so they know how to not drown and then stop for crying out loud. There is no point. It does not work. Gradually they learn to swim but not because of lessons unless you want them to be an Olympic champion or something. Stop why don't you, be nice to yourself and them. Going to the pool should be something you do cause you want to. Please don't hate me.
We are really lucky to have a fantastic swim school where we live. All our kids did lessons until age 6. (littlest one still going) They loved it. They are smart, confident and capable swimmers. As for me I hated getting in the water in the winter months, actually hated getting out more to the point. Freezing whilst trying to get your little one warm is a tough part of motherhood ;)
I don't hate you, Deb. I wanna be you!!! x
Hey hun. I love swimming lessons. We go to a pool that is purely for swimming lessons and its not too big so can't get too busy! Staff are lovely too. Think we are just lucky!!!
I have a confession. My child is about to turn 3 and he has never done a swimming lesson. Please don't report me to DOCS! It's just that (like Deb) - I don't believe in them. And Bronnie - you have just made sure I will never believe in them!!
We sent our 3.5 year old until a few months ago for 3 years. I felt the same way as you. I hated the juggle, especially with the baby in tow. I was however, repeatedly mortified by his pushing & constant cuddling and invasion of personal space of the other kids in his class. I stopped going cos though he enjoyed it, he was so not learning anything & we don't want to waste money on something when he isn't actually learning anything. We live very close to the beach & I want him to know how to swim very much but I think we'll wait til he's older & try again.
I actually love swimming lessons...mostly because Baby C loves swimming lessons...you should hear his happy squeal when he gets to go down the slide.
We go to an indoor, heated pool and so swimming lessons are just about the warmest part of my week.
I hear you though on swimming lessons being a total con...I took swimming lessons for ages and ages when I was growing up but didn't really learn how to swim until I joined the squad...and from what I can see of the older kids in lessons here the same seems to be true.
It is funny that you mention the wet everything...I actually wrote a blog post this week on that very subject!
http://motherdownunder.blogspot.com.au/2012/07/an-olympic-post-swimming.html
Well... when I first started taking G to swimming lessons at the age of 6 months I loved it... but as she got older she became something of a challenge! Now I let hubby take her and I take baby C... who started off great and is now... something of a challenge!
x
ha, ha,gotta love the pool..! I tried the 'mass production line' they call a swimming lesson and it did no good...hated it.and that was only me. Now, we have a private lady do a lesson from a managed apartment block heated indoor. It is much more pleasant. In saying that we took the kids to the pool this afternoon and it was much nicer just us on a sunday afternoon, and my 4 year old swam 20 metres breathing to the side and all, so proud!x
I have solved the dilemma...I found a pool that does before school lessons. Yes the horrendous early wake up, the dragging of small people out of bed is awful but at least my youngest is so comatose that he sits quietly on my lap watching while eating frozen raspberries. We then pop our dressing gowns back over naked bodies, pop slippers on jump back in the car, get me a maccas drive thru coffee and home with 20 minutes to spare before walking up to school. Then I have to lie down. Swimming lessons suck.
Oh Bron, we ended up taking Che out of lessons in autumn because he was just floating around and refused to put his head under water (for a year!!!!) and the thought of that germy chlorine pool in winter turned me right off. I'm a firm believer in learning to swim if you plan on ever going to the beach...but then I also believe that kids learn in their own time. And chlorine + floating bandaids + whinging children + expensive fees make it completely unappealing. So, in summary, I nodded to everything you said in this post. Every. single. word x
Luca hasn't been swimming since last summer. We took him out because we weren't impressed with the teacher, and then a series of colds, flus etc have meant we haven't done anything since. We've since heard about a local swim school that has a saltwater pool so that has a massive tick from me. I HATE chlorine. Plus hubbie has decided he can do a better job than his last teacher who used to chitchat to the teacher up and down in the next lane while the kids held on to the flutter board. So that means no more expensive lessons. Only thing now is that he wants me to get in too so we can teach the boys at the same time. A family swim, he says, it'll be fun. Except, I hate pools and I can't swim. And I bloody hate all that palaver afterwards that you describe oh so well. So in short, I'm dreading the next Saturday when everyone is bug-free again. x
I fricking hate the swimming lessons. Fortunately they are on Husband's day off so I rarely have to do them. When I do I am harassed to watch every single moment, when what I'd really rather do is bury my head in my iPad and catch up on some work. But I was the same as your kids as a child - 10 years of swimming lessons with a certificate for 5 metres of dog paddling to show for it!
Hilarious! We've never taken our nearly four year old, mostly because she's so prone to gastro and colds. A doctor told me its pointless until they are at least five because they don't have the capacity to remember what to do (or something like that). That was enough for me to feel fine about skipping them. Eliza
We're in sunny Queensland and they don't seem any better up this way! We have three kids too, and weekly swimming puts a real dent in the budget... Last year we just made the effort to throw them in one pool or another at least three times per week - and they seemed to make more progress WITHOUT a swim teacher!!! My sister does a program twice each year where they do ten lessons in eight days, it seems to be the most successful one I've seen in terms of kids improving technique. I reckon we'll try to find someone to do that with our three this summer...
I am taking a term off. I hate swimming lessons, Miss 6 is doing pretty well, two more certificates and I have said she will be done, I am not sur who will be happier, Miss 3, well, I started her late and have quit after two terms, she loves it, but I hate the whole thing. Ten degrees outside sounds quite pleasant compared to the freezing Melbourne wind in winter.....arrrgggghhhh.
Our son had swimming lessons last year in Year 2 through his School. I wouldn't have made the lessons otherwise with an infant at home. He enjoyed it and yes he can swim well enough. I'm a worry wart so he still swims with an adult regardless. It's other swimmers I worry about.
GIVE UP!! I'm not kidding. Give yourself a break. Sounds like your kids are safe in the water, so leave it till they are older. My kids did lessons when they were pre-school age, and they just didn't get it. I would sit under the tin roof of the school pool in the scorching hot mid-summer Queensland sun, so hot it was all I could do not to throw myself in the pool fully clothed. I gave up. Then a few years later, we tried again. This time doing a lesson a day for two full weeks. They progressed more in those two weeks than I had dared hope. They continued to have a few lessons in P.E. at school, and are now as teens and tweens, proficient swimmers.
We could have bought a holiday house on the Northern Beaches for the money we have spent on swimming lessons. But they can all now finally swim. Thank fuck.
I think if they are safe in the water and you have your own pool just let them play in the water- it is the best thing, they will get it eventually without constant swimming lessons- lots cheaper on your pocket and better for your sanity too!
I gave up on weekly swimming lessons. I hated them! Instead, we did a two week session in summer. Every day for two weeks, the improvemnet was amazing! Now go to the pool for fun instead of lesson. So much better!
Ugh. Swimming Lessons. I was SO keen to get Pebble to swimming lessons, she was about 6 months old when we started. It was adorable. But I pretty quickly realised what a pain in the rectum it is. We currently pay a lot to attend swimming lessons once a week, but for one reason or another we haven't been for the last month. I really should make the effort to get there this week. She does LOVE it, and the pool we go to now has an amazing set up to swim and play before and after lessons. But. Ugh.
If you live anywhere near here, don't walk...run! They are fantastic : )
http://www.lilaussieswimstars.com/
Small classes, personalised lessons and best of all...no canteen.
So funny Bron
I hear these same sentiments (they're not so clever with the words as you) from my friends who insist on the weekly swim torture every week!!
We gave up on winter lessons.
We swim outside, in summer, with a fabulous teacher.
The youngest one has had 10 weeks of lessons (didn't start til he was 3) and is already ahead of others who have been going week in week out with all that wetness for 5-6 years!!
x
Reading your post I realised I've never thought about swimming lessons. My oldest, now 16 and swimming for a club and participating in big events, jumped into any body of water from the minute she could crawl, never mind walk. She taught herself how to swim from about 18 months. I just had to be close by because she was going in whether I liked it or not. The youngest isn't big on swimming but also taught herself how to swim from years of sitting on the step playing with toys then having to "swim" after the ones that float (or sink) away. But they learned on their own. I wouldn't know where to start if I had to actually teach them or get them to feel comfortable in the water. Good luck!
Oh I absolutely hated swimming lessons Bron! I took Bell from 3 years to about 6, and she learnt more in one Summer at home with John teaching her in our pool, than the whole 3 years at two different swimming schools.
There was so much to hate about swimming lessons, and never did we have one week where there wasn't a struggle trying to get dressed to go home.
Don't put yourself through it any more. xx
Oh yes. You've just described my every Tuesday morning. For years I've paid faithfully for lessons and my six year old finally gets it! Im persisting but my husband thinks up until now it's been the biggest waste of money! But something you might be interested in... Swimming intensives during the school holidays. 45 min classes for five days in a row. My school boy does this and he loves seeing the improvement in such a short time. Cheaper and less fuss than going every week. As soon as Noah is in kinder thats what they'll both do. They seem to learn quicker and then it's done for the whole term! X
I just have to reply...I AGREE!!!
I dislike the whole pool thing, the wet, the stickiness, the fact you have to give them your credit card details or no swim lessons, the bored 17 year old swim teacher, the swim teacher who looks at every child but yours, the swim teacher that dosent get into the pool, the canteen, the cold, the hot, and also what is it with people who walk out of gyms sucking on their wayter botles as if they are going to be dehydrated on the spot. Actually, the gym people at the pool annoy me the most haha
Phew...that is why neither hubby or myself can face any pool with child no 3 who still hasnt had a swim lesson...it is all too horrid (although we have to one day as he really has to learn how to swim.
Mrs B xxx
Warning: Mother on High Horse
After years and years of two kids at swimming lessons (and they still excel only in un-co stroke), I have arrived at some definitive conclusions...
1. Swimming lessons before age 5 are A Waste of Time
2. Swimming lessons during the winter months are A Waste of Time
3. If you're still disregarding the above definitive conclusions because your third kid freaking ADORES learning to swim un-co stroke and you haven't the heart to put your foot down, then learn to knit. If you are knitting during kid swimming, then you are Not Entirely Wasting Your Time.
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