I've never missed a season of Survivor, despite it being pretty formulaic and boring for the past 9 years at least. I'm very loyal to television shows that once amused me - Desperate Housewives (thank god it's nearly over); Grey's Anatomy (should have stopped watching around about the time they burst into song in the ER about 3 years ago); Who's That Girl? (nah, just kidding - that show is GOLD! Schmidt is easily the best character on television. I've even named a daggy pair of shoes I own my 'Driving Shoes' in his honour). But Survivor...man, my loyalty to that drivel really takes the cake.
A decade of yelling at the stupid people who do stupid things every single episode. I mean, for chrissake, it's been TEN years, people. Don't they watch the show before they go on the show? Why do they all think that they are in the 'top three' when there are seven people in their alliance and it's clear to everyone who the real top three is? And why do they always play follow the leader and do everything one person says and never once thing 'holy cow, batman, I need to vote the ring leader's arse of the island 'cos they're gonna win the whole damn show'? And how is it that they're constantly mesmerised that you can't actually play Survivor and win if you're 'nice' to people? Except that one time when that policeman actually pulled it off and it was the most boring series in the history of boring series.
How is it that they don't stick like glue to the alliance they should have formed in episode 1 even when they work out that one episode isn't enough time to realise who the annoying people are and now they're stuck with them? Better that than to have no alliance at all... who does that? Thirty nine days of putting up with annoying people for a million bucks? Geez, even I could do that and I have the tolerance level of a goat.
Speaking of goats, have you noticed how even after 39 days, none of the women have any body hair? They're wearing their skimpy little 'buffs' as a top and their underarms are just as buff as the buffs. And shiny, shiny white teeth even though they're ironically scoffing down more junk food 'rewards' than the average person sitting at home watching television. Just week after week of people in rags pouring cake and peanut butter down their gobs. I can barely look.
And yet I do.
Is it the meanness? The dumbness? The arrogance? The self-delusion? The blatant lies damn lies? I can't quite work out what it is that keeps me watching this silly show and yet there I am, never missed an episode. It's like I think I'm part of the show and, god knows, should Jeff ever bail out, I could step in and recite his lines at a moment's notice. I would even don that blue shirt with the weird nipple rings he's been wearing for ten years, just to keep in character. Is that man onto the best gig in television or what? While the cast are eating donuts and hydrogenised dripping in their palm-leaf shelter, he's living it up at some six star tropical resort waiting for the moment he needs to don his blue nipple shirt and laugh at the stupidity of the contestants. See - laugh in their very faces, rather than just at the television screen - it's the ideal job, I'm telling you.
Are you loyal to a television series that really doesn't deserve you?
[Heart image found on faveim.com - please let me know if it's yours]